Program at the squat (that Gypsy life)

     Yesterday Radhika invited me to come over to her squat. They were organizing an event – some devotees and devotees’ friends invited Maha Visnu Swami. It wasn’t too far from my place, took me around forty minutes. I'm starting to get familiar with London transport. When I arrived they were just finishing cooking a big pot of kichari. They were bit scared that there is too much water, but I calmed them down, the rice was going to suck all of the water in, no worries. Most of the squat residents were Lithuanians, but there were also Spanish, Italians, English, quite a big group.
     When Maha Visnu Swami arrived, some of the squatters stayed aloof. Radhika told me that not everyone there likes devotees, and people even feel that there might be too much of Krishna in the space. We went to a small temple room, with Salagram sila on the altar (hmm, what the squatters mean, when they say "too much Krishna"? ;). Maharaja looked tired. As I found out later he came by bus, and it is pretty far from the Soho temple, so I was impressed, especially that afterwards he was going to take a night bus back to the temple.
     We had a kirtan (Maharaja has this funny/crazy accordion with lots of bells, ribbons, colorful fabrics:), introductory lecture, and prasadam. Then Radhika, Tedas and I accompanied Maharaja to the bus stop, making it a little night harinam. I was wandering if we’d get beaten up, the area looked bit rough to me, but no, people were reacting friendly to us.
     After Maharaja left it was already late so Radhika offered a place to stay. Normally I would be reluctant. I like to have my bed, my space, etc., but frankly speaking the last couple of months were so hectic, you know, changing the country, then from Liverpool to London, living in the old factory, I just don’t  care that much any more. I grabbed some old blanket, pillow, and I was ok. We talked till late, about Krishna, crisis of faith, life, etc. It was nice.
     This morning, after chanting rounds together, I took off, and spent the rest of the day home. My mood was little bit down, so I went to the Sainsbury’s and got myself an unnecessarily huge lemon cheesecake. Then I talked with Saragrahi on the phone, she cheered me up a little, then I got new sheets from Petra, a Czech devotee girl living on the ground floor, so my room became bit more civilized, and I even managed to listen to Swami’s lecture – I’m still on Catuh-sloka series.
     Buenas noches.

Ekadasi and things getting brighter

   





















     I’ve just returned from the Radha-Krishna temple, the one I wrote about few days ago. It’s Ekadasi, and since this is the first one I’m observing for a very long time, I wanted to make it special. I downloaded an Ekadasi lecture by Swami (I think I’ll make a separate post about it, it was so charming and inspiring) and went to see the Deities. Or to be seen by them, as Guru Maharaja sometimes says:)

     I entered, paid dandavats, offered a fruit to Deities and then chanted Gayatri. I was about to leave, when someone called me. It was the main brahman/preacher of the Indian community here. I saw him few times before, but I have to admit I was little bit put off by what I though to be his proud appearance. Nonetheless I approached him in a humble manner.
     “Present yourself to me” said he.
     “My name is Kalpataru das”
     “And who is your spiritual master?” he asked.
     “Swami Tripurari”
     “And your istha-devata?”
     “Sri Caitanya” I said, but seeing that he’s not familiar with Mahaprabhu, I added “Krishna”.
     He seemed to be pleased.
     “Tell me, what are your guru’s teachings” he enquired further.
     I was pretty happy to have this conversation. Like from Jaiva-dharma, or something:) I miss that in every day life. I told him about our basic siddhanta – Krishna is the highest reality, jiva is his eternal servant, our aim is to attain pure love of God. He listened, then he started to preach. He was Krishna devotee, but there was lots of aiśvarya in his words. When he talked about Krishna, he obviously had in mind Dvaraka Krishna. Still I liked the universal touch in his preaching – that we are not Hindus, Muslims or Christians, we are spirit souls, and we should follow the sanatana-dharma, which is beyond all religious concepts. He very strongly stated that without spiritual master there is no spiritual life. Guru is even more important to us then God. I liked that a lot, especially that Guru Maharaja says it a lot. Then he looked at me sternly.
     “Do you think that Krishna is an avatar of Visnu?” he asked in a menacing voice. I shook my head in deny.
     “Krsnas to bhagavan svayam” I said.
     “Yes!” his eyes shone. “This is the right understanding! Krishna is beyond everything, he’s the source of everything!” Then he added: “But don’t disrespect other gods. They are Krishna’s different aspects.”
     He asked me to stay for arati, which I did. Afterwards I received some maha-prasadam. Then I went home. On the way, I did some shopping and then cooked pure ekadasi lunch.

     During the lunch I was called by Saragrahi. She sounds so inspired and alive. I’m so sorry for not being able to be there with her, Guru Maharaja and all the others. But on the other hand, because I’m can’t be there, somehow I think about Swami and Krishna more then I usually do. Oh, yes, it reminded me the other thing that the brahmana from the temple said today:
     “Do you think that Krishna can’t hear you? No, you are never separated from him. Whenever you think about him, at the exact same moment he thinks about you, and he thinks about you much more, then you think about him”.

     This is so weird (positively weird). I’m here, in the middle of nowhere, unemployed, lost in a big city, unmotivated, broke, but then suddenly, out of blue I’m ending up having this kind of deep conversation about Krishna. It’s almost like (or exactly like) because I’m searching for the higher connection at the moment, this kind of things start to happen. Someone may call it synchronicity, but to me it’s showing the personal features of God, who lovingly responds to our spiritual endeavors.

     I still want to move to London. Actually my mind is 100% there already. Yesterday I contacted some of my friends, asking about accommodation. Also I befriended on Facebook Madhukari and Gopesh, who are Swami’s disciples living in London. We had a quite long chat with Madhukari, she seems to be very nice girl, very friendly and open. We talked about doing some programs or listen to Guru Maharaja’s lectures together. There would be few of us there. Madhukari, Gopesh, Rama Caran and I think Gokulacandra, though he might not be living there anymore, I’m not sure. Then Saragrahi would join me. I hope it all works.

     What else? Saragrahi just got a big order for her art! Ten drawings and she can choose the topic of the series. Nice that she can make some money with her talents. I hope one day she can do just that for living. (And me too:).

Look into my heart

   

     I’m having a pretty bad day. It might have something to do with the fact that Guru Maharaja’s visit in Poland has just started and I wasn’t able to be there with everyone else, which means that I wont see him for at least another year. Also still no luck with a job, and it’s been almost two months already.
     I’ve found this poem by Sacinandana Maharaja.


Don’t Trust Me
Sacinandana Swami

O my Lord
I think You know that I love only You,
although I pretend to love other people and things.
I think You know that when I am sad
it’s because I feel separated from You,
although if I am asked
I would give other reasons.
When I cry, it’s always because of missing You,
although my tears carry other names.

I think You also know
that I am only looking for You,
although I seem to be looking for other persons and things.

Yes, I am a divided soul,
searching for something in the east,
while going west.
I am a helpless soul,
forced by some other agent long ago
to play the double life of a devotee and a cheater.

But do You know why I am writing You this?
It’s because I want your special mercy.
Don’t believe my acts,
don’t trust my words,
but look deep into my heart
and You will see Your own beautiful image.

Be hopeful - Sacinandana Swami

by Sacinandana Swami

     There is good reason to be  hopeful. Krishna is very, very kind to and supportive of His devotees. He waits patiently for them to turn to Him, and then He responds immediately. Often He Himself takes the first step toward them. "He is so kind, so very kind," as Srila Prabhupada used to say.
     We have only to accept that Krishna’s kindness follows His own mind and not always our expectations. This means He gives us exactly what we need at any given time. So now my question these days is, How can I live in relationship with Him? As I ponder this question I look out at the winter night. The stars blink in the distance. Is the Lord as far away as those stars or is He closer? How can I connect with Him?
     During the last year I learned some things that help me make that connection. I’d like to share them with you:

     1. Become aware that Krishna is the goal of your life.
     2. Offer as many acts as you can in His service. Activate your relationship with Him and ask for guidance how to further activate it from those who have an active relationship with Him, like Srila Prabhupada and your other spiritual masters.
     3. Train your mind to connect with Krishna through devotional thoughts. Convince your intelligence of the truth of Krishna consciousness.
     4. Take full and unreserved shelter in the processes of bhakti - the hearing and chanting and reading the scriptures under the guidance of great devotees.
     5. Most importantly, pray, pray, pray. Bring your spiritual heart into your prayer. Pray like the bird who sits in the nest waiting fervently for its mother to bring it food. Pray like the thirsty calf who tugs at the rope binding it to a stake so it can run forward to its mother’s udder.

     Pray like the morose wife who yearns for her husband when he is away from home. You will soon find that Krishna is only a prayer away. He is not like the stars in the winter sky, which are distant, cold, and unapproachable. When you reach Him in devotion, Krishna will respond to you in ways beyond your boldest imagination. Yes, the Lord is only a prayer away!