Human Factor

Human Factor

18.02.2013 Krakow

     “I have now become too old and disturbed by invalidity. While I write, my hands tremble.  I cannot remember anything, nor can I see or hear properly. Still I write, and this is a great wonder.”

Cc. Madhya 2.90

     This verse was written by Krsnadasa Kaviraja Goswami. Couple of weeks ago I was wandering if I have any book about Krishna’s pastimes. I thought it would be nice to add daily remembering of lilas to my sadhana. I don’t mean some elevated meditation (well, you know that), but just having some direct, simple contact with Krishna’s life so maybe I could get some attraction. Somehow I didn’t find anything, even the Krishna Book disappeared from my bookshelf, but then I remembered I have this beautiful one volume edition of Sri Caitanya Caritamrita. Recently I heard guru maharaja saying that this book has everything – philosophy, history, Krishna’s pastimes, Lord Caitanya’s pastimes. I read it years ago, as a brahmacari, but that feels almost as in another life, so I started again. Every day, after reading some of guru maharaja’s Gita, I go to Cc. 

     As for Lord Caitanya’s pastimes I was and I still am little bewildered. It is very… exotic, don’t know if it’s a good word. I have difficulty relating. For example now I’m in the section, where Krishnadasa Kaviraja Goswami describes in synopsis Mahaprabu’s ecstatic symptoms. That’s a lot to take – limbs hiding in his body like a tortoise, sweating blood, disjoining joints, etc. Still, I try to get the essence – the importance of love of God, and I’m happy also to find verses from different Vaisnava works describing Krishna’s and Radharani’s love, stories.

     But the verse I’ve just quoted at the beginning made so far the biggest impression on me.

     - Listen to this one! – I said and read it to Saragrahi, who was in the kitchen making breakfast.

      - Wow, strong one…

     She was impressed too. I’m not completely sure why I like it so much. I think it is about the humanity of the author showing so deeply in those few words. No remote narrator, impersonal story teller, staying in the background, handing over the absolute truth, but a human being made of flesh and blood, an old man basically having one foot in the grave, but in spite of everything, he opens himself to Krishna, not even knowing if he will finish the book before he dies (hence writing synopsis of Antya-lila in the beginning of Madhya-lila), and he lets the spiritual power flow through him. Very touching. One thing – it makes you feel connected with the author – his humanity, his problems, his mind, and the other thing – it shows you that in spite of your material problems, shortcomings, obstacles, you can achieve great things for Krishna, there is no limits. It’s very inspiring, isn’t it? 

     I like the human factor in the spiritual writings. I’ve always looked for it – in the Bhagavatam, Cc, etc. Therefore I like guru maharaja’s Gita best of all. Before, I just saw the philosophy there, but when he spiced it with the pointing out Krishna’s emotional moments while delivering the Gita, I read it in a completely different way. More as a personal statement permeated with feelings, then a philosophical or religious treatise.

     As for my own material conditions, Saragrahi and me are going now to the city with our (poor) resumes, let’s the job hunt begin. We better find something soon, the savings are soooo finished. The weather is grey, I haven’t seen the sun for over a week now, apparently the smog in Krakow is quite rapacious, but I feel ok, relaxed and in high spirits. Wish us a good luck.

     Hare Krishna.