Spring In Krakow (sadhana thoughts)

Saragrahi chanting, Krakow view

Spring In Krakow (sadhana thoughts)

05.03.2013 Krakow

     The spring is getting here. The sun was up all day, the smog wasn’t too heavy, I didn’t even need long johns (though I wore them anyway, just to be on the safe side;). Saragrahi and I went for a long walk, we visited the old Jewish quarters, then we climbed an ancient burial mound supposedly left by Celts around 2000 years ago. It felt nice to chant Gayatri on the top of the mound, watching the panorama of Krakow below. We are suppose to be job hunting, and we do (really), but today we just wanted to take it easy.

     Yesterday I listened to guru maharaja’s lecture, “Be Like a Water”. The devotees recommended it on Tattva-viveka, and yes, it is a very inspiring, mellow talk. The sounds of India, temple bells, distant kirtan, guru maharaja’s soft, gentle voice... This morning, while chanting I remembered the passage, where Swami spoke about his experience with chanting; how he entered the holy name, and it was completely different from anything he could imagine. He was in Chicago but felt like in the green pastures of Goloka. When we give up our concept of what spirituality means and just let ourselves to be carried away by the holy name, it will reveal itself. That was the gist of the talk. So – attentive chanting – that’s the key. I tried this morning more then usually and I’ll keep trying.

     I have few thoughts about sadhana. Nothing innovative, we all know the stuff, but recently some things became clearer to me. As I mentioned before I had some difficulties in my spiritual life, had a break from the practice, and so on. Then I tried to get back on the Vaisnava tracks.

     First I started from one round. I know, it doesn’t sound impressive, but it was hard. Day after day I managed to sit down and sacrifice ten minutes for God. At first it felt like working in a mine, but soon it became easier and easier, and at one point I started to look forward to it. Ok – I said to myself – let’s go one level up, add something. Let’s read a verse or two from guru maharaja’s Gita. And again there were some difficulties – I felt like reading Chinese. I just couldn’t get my mind around these topics. They felt very dry and irrelevant  to life. But I kept going, determined to gain some taste. After a while I started to get it and actually enjoy the association with sastra. It was interesting to watch the mental transformation from a spiritual oblivion to some resemblance of taste. What next? I decided to add one Gayatri chanting – just in the morning. Somehow the thought of doing it three times a day scared me and I needed to take it easy. Baby steps, right? This was going on for a quite long time. I couldn’t decide to take the next step. If I decide to chant Gayatri three times a day, it means to "give up" the whole day to Krishna, not just the morning. You know, you have to remember to chant it at noon, then evening, you need to be focused, avoid parties and stuff like that. Fortunately my better half wasn’t such a chicken and she came back to the full amount of rounds and Gayatri thrice a day. I couldn’t stay behind, of course, I am the husband after all:) So now for some weeks I’m back to the standards I promised to guru maharaja.

     Why am I writing about this stuff here? It is personal, I know, but I ‘m just thinking that there are some devotees who go trough a tough time in their practice. I know how it feels. The smallest spiritual endeavor seems like an impossible task. Specially when you don’t have the personal company of guru or other Vaisnavas. In my experience the help is available if you sincerely try for it. For me it was two things: regularity in sadhana (however imperfect and small it was) and everyday prayer acknowledging my inadequacy and weakness, in which I asked guru maharaja, param gurus and Krishna for help.

     It’s still all fresh and fragile, I know, but I hope some of you can already use some of this experience in your own difficulties.
   
     That's it for today. Haribol.