Lazy day

Lazy day
10.08.2013, London

     Lazy day, nothing really happened. I’d go to the city, but it’s expensive. I chanted rounds, exercised, then Petra and I cooked small feast for everyone (I made the peanut butter simply wonderful, it really works). I sent few job applications. Bhrigu wrote me that he’s coming to London next week, he’d like to meet, and apparently he’d have some small job for me for few days as his research assistant. I’ve got no idea what it means, but I’m happy to see him. Tomorrow I’ll go to the Soho temple to get the Śrimad Bhagavatam set with commentaries by Viśvanatha Cakravarti Thakur (only 40 quid!). This will weaken my finances considerably, but I can’t resist. I’m thinking that it may be a good opportunity to read Bhagavatam again and get some new insights from this commentary.

     Evening list:

     1. Slowly getting used to being on my own (without Saragrahi). “Getting used” it’s too much said, it’s more like I tolerate it better, without that much anxiety.
     2. Bit perplexed by the tribulations in our Polish sanga. I hope that some balance will arrive soon.
     3. Practiced a new bhajan on ukulele. I’m enjoying the thought that some day I might make use of it.
     4. I shouldn’t watch “Luther”, it’s too brutal and bloody for my limited violence intake capacity, but also it’s quite good, so I’m doing it anyway.
     5. Most of the time I feel that all that happens to me is very provisional, temporary, all stuff that I do, plan, etc. Like being a passenger, waiting for the train home, late at night, feeling bit alienated by the strange environment, smell of old cigarette smoke and coffee, indifferent, sleepy people. But holding to the thought that the train arrives shortly, so I’ll be home soon. It’s an unsettling feeling, I don’t really like it. I think most of all because it seems to be lasting for so long now. The good thing about it is, that I’m taking sadhana bhakti more seriously. I just finally hope to get this train to come and pick me up.
     6. My spiritual taste is very flickering and faint. When I’m down, I pray for grace with all my heart, but when I get just little better, I start to look around for some things other then Krishna. Don’t really know what to with it. I’ll just carry on and hope that the Name will purify me.