The samskara for risk

   



















     1. The first interview in London. It was only an agency, but I was happy. The girl who signed me up, Jo, was very personal, friendly, informal. From the first sight I liked her. She reminded me Sibila, Croatian head chef in a restaurant in Birmingham I used to work in. Bit rough, bit funny, straightforward, unofficial. Also I could tell she was hangover, which in this case was a good thing, because I can’t stand those stiff, bureaucratic, spotless dolls, who don’t really care for anyone.

     2. Got a contract with Three Mobile for 12 months. I have “contracts phobia”, so this is big step for me.

     3. Managed to listen to Swami’s two lectures on the train. Really good ones. The first one was from the Polish retreat 2012, questions and answers, and I was one of the people who asked question. I asked at what stage Krishna starts to look after his devotees personally. I’m not writing more, because I want to transcribe and run it here, on Little Gaudiya. I find it very relevant at the moment.
     In the second lecture Guru Maharaja said: “We should develop samskara for risk”. He meant that we should never become complacent on our path, and always look for new ways to come closer to Krishna, even if it means taking risks. “No risk, no gain”.

     4. I admit that I wish I could already rent something and get out of this squat. It’s just too bleak, grim, some people here are not completely sane, alcohol addictions, weed, ego trips. It’s not a place for a gentlemen:) But I’m sorry for the guy, who is kind of responsible for this place. Very good heart, he accepts all kind of people here, not charging, not having anything in return. He does it just to help (and to be less lonely I guess). But he has a terrible alcohol problem. He wishes he could stop, but just can’t, so for the whole day he pours inside beer, vine, vodka, at the end of the day being out cold. Sometimes he chants, he’s vegetarian, spiritually minded. He met Swami few years back, he went to Finland for a retreat. It was a big deal for him. He told me yesterday that he wanted to see Swami, but because he wasn't up to the standard, he wasn't let to. But he said, he got a flower, and managed to get past someone who didn't let him to see Guru Maharaja, and offered the flower to him. I don't know how much of this is true, but regardless it shows his samskara for bhakti, for serving and sadhu-sanga. Poor chap. I hope he gets better some time soon.

     5. Another day gone by. I was thinking today, that yes, this is a tough time for me - the last few months, maybe even couple of years, but I don't think I'd be able to try to get closer to Krishna so intently, if I haven't got smashed so hard. I'm not that brave to pray for troubles, as Kunti did, and if I had a choice, I'd say "the easier way, please". But since I have not much saying about it, I just try to appreciate it, see Krishna's hand.