Sunday

   

   






















      I like those lists. I can be as random as I want to be:)

     1. I went to the Sunday feast at Soho temple. There was a fiery bhajan, gurukulis beating the hell out of mrdangas, sweat, shouting, “ecstasy”, but I wasn’t able to feel it. I prefer coziness, small circle of trusted friends, chanting at the feet of Guru Maharaja. So much sweeter, safer, peaceful.
     2. On the train I had this sadness feeling, very strong, piercing. Saragrahi called me, told me about my nephews, one of them, Kuba, 11 years old boy, got some wounds that can’t heal properly for the last month or two, and generally he’s often sad, lost, more then child his age should be. I’m sorry for him and generally for all my relatives and close people. For all the suffering they have to go through, searching for happiness that will always elude them. I think this is one of the main reasons we don’t have kids.
     3. Just had a nice chat with a godsister. We shared some stuff about Swami, quotes from letters, and how he looks after us, how guru bhakti is becoming more important to us then Krishna bhakti, and how we can actually rely on his faith, while our own is still so weak.
     4. Still no job. Had to borrow some more money, because Saragrahi ran out. It is bothering, but I try to see this as Krishna’s mercy. Don’t have much choice anyway. I could see it as bad karma, or just a random misfortune, but it wouldn’t be much fun, I’ve done that before, so I prefer to think that this is Krishna trying to get me closer to him. Anyways something will come up eventually. I’m doing all I can.
     5. Cut my hair this morning. Always feel younger when I do that, even if my gray hair is showing more.
     6. Evening, almost 10PM. I hear someone’s steps in the hall, smell weed from my neighbor’s room, poor chap, Spaniard, so bright, handsome and strong, but spends all day just getting high, and laying in bed, smiling vaguely. Otherwise the factory is silent, peaceful.
     Good night.