"Wonderful, wonderful thing"

photo by Kamalaksa

      "It’s nice to practice, it’s good, it’s actually very special to be a sadhaka. You are not a siddha but you’re not a baddha jiva. And holding hands with other sadhakas... It’s very encouraging. It’s a wonderful life in itself.  Even if it doesn’t turn to anything more then that. It’s so nice. Sadhaka’s life. If properly understood and applied. Of course it does [turn to something else]. Krishna says it does for sure. And others standing like great light-houses in the night of the storm of material existence, encouraging us by their example, we see they have some ground they are standing on, they let go here, and they have support... So to be a sadhaka is wonderful, wonderful thing."
Swami B.V. Tripurari (Q&A, Ekadasi, October 2012)

     I have to print and hang it over my bed, and every day when I feel like a failure I’ll just look at it and remind myself – being sadhaka is a wonderful thing. Often it’s not easy, anartha-nivritti can be a painful process. I admit, at times when it was getting too hot in there, I was just quitting – placing bhakti somewhere in the attic and living different life, “going with the flow”, engaging in activism, secular social life or just taking everything easy, going for a pint or something. I hope that with time I’ll get better. Guru Maharaja talks about exercising our sadhaka deha.

     For the last couple of months I’m doing 40 minutes of fitness exercises in the morning. There is this lady on youtube and she’s a personal couch. I remember the first time – practically I fainted, I was grasping for a breath, perspiring profusely, and swearing at that women, who did all the exercises without even blinking. I didn’t even managed to get to the end that first time. And it wasn’t getting much better for the first few weeks. But I kept going, especially that Saragrahi did too, and I didn’t want to be left behind;) So this morning I was doing that series of exercises, and suddenly I realized I don’t even get the panting. I just go on, enjoying the effort.

     So I hope practicing our sadhaka deha is similar. It’s true – sometimes we discontinue our training for a while, so then, when we start again, it feels harder, but if we carry on, very quickly we get to where we were and then move further.

     Today I’m pretty stressed. I’ve already got tickets to London, leaving early in the morning. Fortunately I found someone to take over my room in Liverpool, so I have some money to get started. In London I’ll stay with a friend of a friend of a friend, so yes, I’m not sure how it will go, but I just try to rely on Krishna. I said it many times in my life, but these days I really mean it.
   
     Saragrahi told me today that she talked to Guru Maharaja, and told him about me going to London. Guru Maharaja suggested that in the future he could visit UK and do some programs here. I hope it will happen. We can try to tighten our little London sanga.

     PS. Kamalaksa just posted on facebook a group picture from the Polish retreat, and Syam Gopal a short video from Gaura-arati. I wish I was there. I miss them all so much...